With due regard to the millions of Americans who are traveling to hundreds of cities and towns along the path of totality, we regrettably must announce the cancellation of the total solar eclipse on April 8.
This difficult decision was made, in part, because The Moon has been having second thoughts about blocking sunlight across such a wide swath of the North American continent. Ironically, The Moon has observed us and determined that the hassle of making this special and historic traverse is just not worth it. As a result, April 8 will proceed like any typical day – with the usual sunrise and sunset – and no eclipse. The moon reserves the right to attempt another eclipse at a future date.
Solar viewing glasses can be returned to your nearest Toys ‘R Us, Bed Bath & Beyond, or K-Mart for a layaway credit.
“I wouldn’t call it ‘cold feet,’” says The Moon. “I was truly looking forward to this event. But, I’ve heard that cities along the path of totality are bracing for large crowds, traffic problems, and other challenges, and I don’t want to cause issues. I just want to shine.”
“We’ve been working hard for the past several months educating children and adults on how to best prepare for this once-in-a-lifetime event,” said Michelle Urbanczyk, president and CEO of Explore & More – The Ralph C. Wilson, Jr. Children’s Museum. “While we’re disappointed with The Moon’s decision, we understand and respect it. However, with that being said, we will still be celebrating The Sun, The Moon and The Earth this week at Explore & More juuuust in case The Moon changes its mind.”
Penn Dixie Executive Director Dr. Phil Stokes says “From high school physics we know that Isaac Newton’s three laws of motion come into play when forecasting astronomical events. Unfortunately, Newton’s little-known fourth law of motion applies here. We simply don’t have control over the whims of celestial bodies.”
“MOOOOO!” says Betty Lou Moo, the official dairy cow of Explore & More who was looking forward to an early return to her barn. “MOOOOOOOO!”
